How To Write A Good Obituary: A Guide to Honoring a Life
Writing an obituary is a profoundly personal act. It’s a final opportunity to share a loved one’s story, to celebrate their life, and to provide closure for those who grieve. It’s also a task that many find daunting. This guide aims to demystify the process, offering practical advice and inspiration to help you craft a meaningful and memorable tribute. We’ll delve into the essential elements, explore different writing styles, and provide tips for ensuring your obituary resonates with those who read it.
Understanding the Purpose of an Obituary
Before you even begin writing, it’s crucial to understand the primary purpose of an obituary. It serves several vital roles:
- To Inform: It announces the death and provides essential details about the deceased.
- To Celebrate: It highlights the life lived, focusing on achievements, passions, and personality.
- To Connect: It provides information about memorial services, allowing people to gather and pay their respects.
- To Offer Closure: It helps those grieving to process the loss and begin the healing process.
- To Preserve Legacy: It becomes part of the historical record, offering a lasting testament to the individual’s existence.
Thinking about these purposes will guide you as you begin to gather information and start writing.
Gathering the Essential Information
The foundation of any good obituary is accurate and comprehensive information. Begin by compiling the following details:
Basic Biographical Facts
This section forms the backbone of the obituary. Include:
- Full Name: Include any nicknames or preferred names.
- Date and Place of Birth: Be precise.
- Date and Place of Death: Again, be accurate.
- Age at the Time of Death: This is easily calculated.
- Immediate Family: List surviving spouse, children (and their spouses), and grandchildren.
- Parents: Include their names (and maiden name for the mother).
- Siblings: List siblings and their spouses.
Highlighting Key Life Achievements
This is where you begin to paint a picture of the person’s life. Consider these areas:
- Education: Schools attended, degrees earned.
- Career: Jobs held, significant achievements, and contributions.
- Military Service: If applicable, include branch, rank, and significant honors.
- Hobbies and Interests: What brought them joy? What were they passionate about?
- Memberships and Associations: Clubs, organizations, or volunteer work.
Describing the Personality and Character
This is where you bring the person to life. Use descriptive language to convey their essence. Think about:
- Personality Traits: Were they kind, funny, generous, adventurous?
- Values and Beliefs: What were important to them?
- Impact on Others: How did they make a difference in the lives of those around them?
- Memorable Quotes or Sayings: Did they have a favorite saying or a philosophy they lived by?
Choosing the Right Tone and Style
The tone and style of your obituary should reflect the personality of the deceased.
Formal vs. Informal
A formal obituary is suitable for individuals who preferred a more traditional approach. It’s often more concise and focuses on accomplishments. An informal obituary is more personal and conversational. It allows for more storytelling and can capture the unique personality of the individual.
Balancing Sentimentality and Respect
It’s okay to express emotions, but avoid excessive sentimentality. Strike a balance between heartfelt expression and dignified respect. Remember that the obituary will be read by a wide audience.
Considering the Audience
Think about who will be reading the obituary. Are they primarily family and friends, or will it also be seen by a wider community? This will influence the language and details you choose to include.
Crafting the Obituary: Step-by-Step
Now that you’ve gathered your information and considered the tone, let’s begin the writing process.
The Opening Paragraph: The Announcement
This is the first thing people will read, so make it impactful. Start with the basic information:
- “It is with deep sorrow that we announce the passing of…”
- “On [Date], [Name] passed away peacefully at [Place]…”
- “With heavy hearts, we share the news of the death of…”
The Body Paragraphs: Telling the Story
This is where you flesh out the details. Organize the information logically, perhaps chronologically or thematically. Focus on:
- Key Achievements: Highlight their accomplishments.
- Personal Interests: Showcase their passions.
- Family Life: Mention their relationships and contributions to their family.
- Memorable Moments: Include anecdotes and stories that illustrate their personality.
The Closing Paragraph: Memorial Details and Acknowledgments
This section provides practical information and expresses gratitude:
- Funeral or Memorial Service Details: Include the date, time, and location.
- Donations: Specify any charities the family would like donations to be made to in their memory.
- Expressions of Gratitude: Acknowledge the support received from family, friends, and healthcare professionals.
- Optional: Words of Remembrance: A brief, final statement expressing love and remembrance.
Editing and Proofreading: The Final Touches
Before submitting your obituary, it’s essential to edit and proofread carefully.
Checking for Accuracy
Verify all dates, names, and locations. Double-check spelling and grammar.
Ensuring Clarity and Flow
Make sure the writing is clear, concise, and easy to understand. Read the obituary aloud to catch any awkward phrasing.
Seeking a Second Opinion
Ask a family member or friend to read the obituary and provide feedback. They might catch something you’ve missed.
Where to Publish Your Obituary
Consider the reach and audience you want to target.
Local Newspapers
This is a traditional method and reaches a wide audience in the community.
Online Memorial Websites
These platforms offer a permanent online space to share obituaries, photos, and memories.
Social Media
Sharing the obituary on social media can help spread the word quickly. However, ensure you’re comfortable with the public nature of this platform.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Be mindful of these pitfalls:
- Being Too Vague: Avoid generic statements. Provide specific details.
- Overly Focusing on Grief: While it’s natural to express sadness, focus on celebrating the life lived.
- Including Too Much Information: Keep the obituary focused and concise.
- Forgetting to Proofread: Errors detract from the impact of the obituary.
- Ignoring the Deceased’s Wishes: If the person expressed preferences for their obituary, honor them.
FAQs About Writing Obituaries
Here are some frequently asked questions to further guide you:
What If the Deceased Had a Difficult Life?
Even in the face of hardship, focus on moments of resilience, growth, and the impact they had on others. Find the threads of their humanity.
How Much Does an Obituary Cost?
Costs vary depending on the publication and length. Local newspapers often charge per word or line. Online platforms may offer free or paid options.
Can I Include Photos?
Absolutely! Photos add a personal touch and help readers connect with the deceased. Choose a photo that captures their essence.
What Should I Do If I’m Struggling to Write?
Don’t be afraid to seek help. Ask family members for their input, or consider using a template or online obituary writing service for assistance.
Is It Okay to Use Humor?
If appropriate and in line with the deceased’s personality, humor can be a touching and memorable addition. However, use it judiciously and with respect.
Conclusion: Honoring a Life with Words
Writing a good obituary is a challenging but incredibly rewarding task. By following these guidelines, you can create a lasting tribute that honors the life of your loved one, provides comfort to those who grieve, and preserves their memory for generations to come. Remember to focus on the individual, tell their story with care and respect, and let your words reflect the love you shared. The process, though difficult, is a testament to the enduring power of memory and the importance of celebrating a life well-lived.